he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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