when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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