so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
