At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
