Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
