Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
