How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
