I met the friendliest cop last night
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
