She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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