No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
