no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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