I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
