Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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