that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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