I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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