So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
