I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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