You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
