The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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