He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
