i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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