you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
