I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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