i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
