Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
