Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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