I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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