Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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