I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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