as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
be right there i have to get my cape
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
