Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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