would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
