I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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