Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
