I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
