who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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