im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
