In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
