i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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