she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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