I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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