if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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