after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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