probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
