Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
zippers are such a cool invention
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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