Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
