i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
