I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
