omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
