Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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