i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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