Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize