i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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