I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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