I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
