guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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