I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
