So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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