im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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