I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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