Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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