Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
