somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
