then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
