So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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